Remember, Cherish Every Moment

My Dear SR,
   Last Thursday while at work, at around 3 pm I got a call from my Mom.  I thought she was calling about scheduling flights for Thanksgiving as we had been talking about that very subject earlier in the day.  But, instead I heard a very tired sounding Mother telling me that she had been thrown off her horse and was in the ER and that they had discovered she had "a bleed in the brain."  They would be taking her to another hospital where they had a neurosurgery unit and would be putting her in the ICU.  I felt like I swallowed a bowling ball and at the same time like I was floating.  I didn't know what to do.  Should I drive down there right away?  Should I wait and see what the neurosurgeon said?  What the hell was going on?
    I decided to stay at my house that night and then I would pick my Dad up from the airport in the morning and we would drive to the hospital.  That next morning, they did another CT scan on my mom and found that the "subdural hematoma" in her head had grown -- a lot.  The neurosurgeon started to talk to my Mom about what kind of surgery they might have to do (it involved drilling holes into her skull and then draining the blood) but decided to put her on some medications to help her blood clot before deciding on the surgery.  They did another CT scan at noon and it had stopped growing.  No surgery needed yet.  Over the next few days, she got better and the hematoma stopped growing and even started to shrink.  She finally got out of the ICU and was allowed to go home Monday night.

    I have never been so scared in my life.  If her friend hadn't called an ambulance or if the blood clotters didn't work....my Mom might have needed serious surgery or, even worse, she could have been gone forever.  Seeing her in that hospital bed, with all the IVs and machines hooked up to her and how tired and helpless she was, I thought I wouldn't be able to stop myself from crying.  I wanted to run up and hug her but I couldn't because she was too fragile.  I kept myself together all the time I was at the hospital, but once I got home I couldn't contain it.  I cried myself to sleep for three nights in a row.
    And between all those moments when I was begging God not to take her away from me, I was wishing with all my being that you here.  I wanted your comforting arms around me so I would really feel that everything might be OK.  I needed your strength.  I've never had to go through anything like this before, but going through it alone was almost unbearable.
    I think I got a little taste of what life with you in the Navy will be like.  It's one thing when you're gone on a day to day basis -- I miss you but I can deal with that pretty easily once I get into a routine.  But dealing with something like this without you here, was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  That doesn't mean that I don't want to live the Navy life alongside you, but it was a bit of a reality check.
    Now, thank God, Mom is safe at home and is doing much better.  But, even though she's OK now, I hope I never forget how scared I was and how much I regretted every bratty thing I ever said or did to her.  I hope that I will be able to always recall how close I was to losing someone I deeply love and that every moment could really, seriously be the last I get to be with them.  And that, I hope, will make me a better person who never takes anyone, including you, for granted.
    With all my love,
                    Your Girl